Saturday, January 16, 2010

Still Looking for Love on Valentine's Day?

I am married, I say that with conviction because I was one who never thought I could be bothered with the daily grind of maintaining a relationship. Instead, I have found that after nearly 16 years, I could not imagine being single. With the right partner, (and I mean that literally) you enjoy having one to share life's joys and pains to paraphrase a Frankie Beverly song. I married late-as some would say-35. This was key, because by then I had had completed my education (I went to school for my Ph.D, not my MRS.), owned a couple of cars and apartments, developed a credit history, been successful in a profession for a few years, travelled the world-and most important remained childless. I was a very happy and fufilled single woman. Often as African-American women, we get that order of those life events all wrong. Because we still lack self-love-we procreate with the first person that expresses even the smallest interest. We then begin setting up housekeeping-long after he (or she) has moved on. We are left to clean up for the next 18 years.

This topic has been covered by so many, it almost seems cliche to talking about this in a blog, but part of our problem is that women (especially those of color) still put little effort in putting our needs first. That means, we spend up teem hours worrying about others, rather than putting ourselves first. By doing that, we become hyper vigilant in recognizing those who can supply some of our needs, rather than our every need. No one can be responsible for making and keeping us happy. Our happiness is dependent on how much time and care we give to ourselves.

In this season of love, remember loving ourselves is the first step towards walking down that aisle!