Who is Superman ?

Waiting for Superman is the title of a popular (and by the way great) movie. The premise is that we are all waiting on superman to change our educational system. Taken more broadly, it could be said that we are also "Waiting on Superman" for a variety of social ills besides education. As in my last blog, Milwaukee continues to dominate the news with negative statistics. Our city is now fourth in poverty in the nation. Was there an outcry from the most affected-African-Americans Latino, and other people of color? Of course not. This statistic primarily reflects how families with children are suffering-in this especially post election season. The politician rhetoric from the right and the left is jobs, jobs, jobs. President Obama believes the democratic party took a "shellacking" in the midterms because he lost his connection with the electorate. I'd say that the electorate is not ready for living in the 21st century. I want to examine this from a different perspective-I wonder if as a community we became less dependent on government, in this scenario "Superman", if we would find ourselves in this same predicament.

Let me explain. There was a time in the not to distant past-African-Americans could not depend on the government-even for the most basic protections. All of the strides that the Civil Rights Movement have given us of late are not being fully utilized. Voting, and education are far less important, so consequently whether our elected officials even bother to provide us with the tools to become a functioning taxpayer is debatable. Our education system is a perfect example-does it develop marketable skills, or encourage higher education, which ultimately leads to a satisfying career? For the most part no-graduation rates in Milwaukee still hover between 60 and 70%. Yes, there are high profile success stories, but why are they high profile? They should be the norm. It should still be expected that our children further their education, settle in a career, marry and have children-in that order. Nearly 20 years after the publication of my first book, I am still preaching largely the same message-education, education, education. Better still become a lifelong learner in whatever your field. Continue to respond to innovations, and there will always be a market for your skill. I continue to improve on my credentials, so that I can compete in the health care system. Next on my horizon is increasing my EAP practice through telemedicine, and on-line training for those in the health care field.


We need to revisit the mindset of the days when no one owed us anything, and we had to get it for ourselves. A plethora of $25.00 an hour manufacturing jobs are never coming back, nor is the certainty of 'working for the government and retiring". We need to plan our futures accordingly-that means putting education first once again. As President Obama noted the best job plan is an education plan. While "Waiting for Superman" rightfully points out some of the inadequacies of many school systems-they are not totally to blame-much of the blame falls on the parents. I am still appalled at the lack of parenting skills I see on a daily basis. Because the village has largely disappeared, today's' parents have no one to emulate, model, or learn from-many of us that have "made it", are hesitant because of the responses of parents that don't know any better. No one likes to be cussed out.

I went to a "mediocre at best" Flint Public School System for all 12 years of primary education, my mother was an involved parent as any other-nothing special. If she suspected something was a miss at school, she went up there-she didn't need a PTA meeting, and in most cases the teacher was usually right. The difference was that my mother made sure I went and graduated because it was expected-nothing else was acceptable. Barbara had extraordinary expectations from my ordinary performance. No one rises to mediocricty. Was I challenged in college because of this so-so primary learning environment?Absolutely! Did I quit? Not a chance, because I had been taught that a higher education was the key to financial freedom. I just had to work a little harder. I got my PhD in Clinical Psychology, and I have never been sorry.

And you know what? It has been the best choice I could have made. I don't worry at night about whether social security will be around, because I am not dependent on the government for my living-or to take care of me. I have not suffered in this economic downturn, because I own my own business-not just seeing clients, but consulting, as well as educating the disenfranchised (who heavily depend on government) to become Substance Abuse Counselors (whom we will never have enough) to own their own practices. My goal is not to retire, and certainly hope if I plan well enough, that if illness should befall, hopefully I'll be prepared. (That topic is for the next blog-our desire to live beyond our means). That is the mindset that we need to return-less dependent on government, and more dependent on our own abilities. We can rely on ourselves more, and the government less. WE CAN provide more for the least amongst us. Perhaps we are who we have been waiting for-just maybe WE ARE SUPERMAN?!

It STILL Takes a Village

I am strong and brave.
I wonder who and what.
I hear the heartbeat of nature.
I see the rough waves of life.
I want war to stop.
I am a leader.
I feel my family beside me.
I touch my life and feel alive.
I worry too much.
I cry tears of joy.
I understand school.
I say what I feel.
I dream the world is a good place.
I try to go beyond what I can do.
I hope a better world.
I am me.
Ryan T. Wynn 3/17/10

I am obviously quite proud of my nieces. They have high aspirations for themselves, but none higher than the village that supports them. Their parents-my sister Jill and my brother-in-law Roderick, have done an excellent job of putting them on the right track by emphasizing the necessity of education. I recently informed Ryan that she was to become an attorney-because of her strong sense of self and argumentative nature. Her sister Sydney was told that she was to become a doctor because of her love of helping and thinking of others, but more so her love of math and reading. Now they have some say in their final destination, but not much. Why? because they have always had high expectations from their village of family, friends and loved ones.

A recent statistic reported that in Milwaukee, African-American students in the 4th grade read at a lower rate than every other state of the union and the District of Columbia. While everyone is rightfully horrified, we can not point at any one reason for this problem: other states spend less money on education, have a higher rate of unemployment, and more single parent homes than we do. Further, Wisconsin seems to be the first on many lists: highest rate of African-American males incarcerated, near the top in teen age pregnancies, and now this. While it is true that African-American boys have a different and more active learning style, this is no excuse not to read at all. Our children exercise their minds and bodies less and less. I remember very well when Sydney Alexandria, a serious student already, learned to read-her mother called me on the phone, and let me here her read out loud. Needless to say I was thrilled, and she has been reading voraciously ever since-I can't keep up with her! Ryan Taylor, artistic, setting her own style, choosing what she reads, has a definite love of all things green-will soon make the connection between education, hard work, and success (or as she says fame, fortune, and the red carpet). There was a time when education was more valued in our community-we owned our own businesses, homes, and expected our children to do better than we did, moving away from the village-and yes this has been said umpteen times before, but we apparently need reminding again.

I can remember growing up in a nearly all black community-910 S. Avon Street-the family next door was on welfare, our family physician lived down the street, and my father worked in the shop. All role models from which to choose-and become somebody. And yes, my neighborhood wasn't that unusual. My parents were like many others-when we got in trouble, those parents called my parents, and they had permission to chastise me as well. The message to me was I had a number of parents, all who had my well being in mind (no, it didn't feel that way at the time). Most important was the instillation of my own self-worth. I'm not sure if my mother knew it at the time, but I can never thank her enough, for teaching me my importance and giving me the desire to KNOW. Moreover, DO your best, BE the best. I had expectations.

Ryan seems to be facing similar challenges in school theses days, and her village is speaking to her loud and clear. Sydney loves school, (and the color orange) and is harder on herself than any of her village ever could be-her expectations are of her own making. As Mother's Day, Father's Day and summer vacation rapidly approaches, we need to continue the educational lessons of the school year. Learning does not stop because the classrooms are closed. Read to a child-have them read to you. Read TOGETHER (I am reading The 39 Clues with Ryan). Be a parent, whether you have children or not. We have a responsibility, and they are counting on us-more now than ever.

Still Looking for Love on Valentine's Day?

I am married, I say that with conviction because I was one who never thought I could be bothered with the daily grind of maintaining a relationship. Instead, I have found that after nearly 16 years, I could not imagine being single. With the right partner, (and I mean that literally) you enjoy having one to share life's joys and pains to paraphrase a Frankie Beverly song. I married late-as some would say-35. This was key, because by then I had had completed my education (I went to school for my Ph.D, not my MRS.), owned a couple of cars and apartments, developed a credit history, been successful in a profession for a few years, travelled the world-and most important remained childless. I was a very happy and fufilled single woman. Often as African-American women, we get that order of those life events all wrong. Because we still lack self-love-we procreate with the first person that expresses even the smallest interest. We then begin setting up housekeeping-long after he (or she) has moved on. We are left to clean up for the next 18 years.

This topic has been covered by so many, it almost seems cliche to talking about this in a blog, but part of our problem is that women (especially those of color) still put little effort in putting our needs first. That means, we spend up teem hours worrying about others, rather than putting ourselves first. By doing that, we become hyper vigilant in recognizing those who can supply some of our needs, rather than our every need. No one can be responsible for making and keeping us happy. Our happiness is dependent on how much time and care we give to ourselves.

In this season of love, remember loving ourselves is the first step towards walking down that aisle!

Help for Holiday Blues: Christmas through Kwanzaa and into the New Year

Being happy is very important before, during and after the holiday season. This requires 3 things: Affect or Feeling Expression, Behavior-how much you do for yourself and others during this hectic season, and Cognition-how you feel about your self.


Affect perhaps is the hardest for women and people of color to express. Frequently during the holidays we put on a happy face so that friends or loved ones don't really know how we really are feeling. Don't do that! First identify your feeling states: mad, glad, sad, scared. Most people confuse being angry with being depressed, because it makes you feel less guilty and threatening to others. Instead, label and announce your feelings. Don't want to prepare and have the traditional dinner, because that's the way it is always been? Then Don't, the world won't come to an end. People may be upset initially, but they will get over it! Any change is a process, and this no different with relatives and friends. Lower your expectations-everyone can't be the Cosby family.



You can't change others, but you can change your Behavior. Like affect, it is easiest to do what you have always done, in fact the best predictor of what will happen in the future is what has happened in the past. Don't fall victim to this cycle, you too can turn and go down a different road. Assertiveness is a learned technique and a choice. Most of us fall into being non-assertive or aggressive. In other words we let people walk all over us (non-assertive) until we blow up at someone (aggressive) over something that is not even related to what we were upset about in the first place. We may feel that our behavior is controlled by others, so we may even be able to state our feelings, but can't take that next step to request what we really want. Using the holiday dinner example, one option would be to alternate, share or designate someone else to take responsibility for the meal. Or go out! This is not unheard of, in fact you could change your holiday tradition all together. Change is not a bad thing. Further, there are 300+ other days that you can celebrate. Or better still, rejoice or fete an "ordinary" day. Sometimes it is just good to let people know what they mean to us-unexpectedly.



Cognitions, or how we feel should not be reflected in how others think of us, but how we feel about ourselves. The malady of low self-esteem is rampant in this day of perfect bodies and advanced degrees. You are where you are supposed to be! Moreover, you are in charge of any life change that you choose to make! Others cannot make us happy, that is our responsibility. This is the season for giving, but receiving as well. But we also cannot give if we have given everything we have. This is especially pertinent if we have children. While we want them to be happy the commercialization of the season makes us feel "less than" if we cannot provide the latest fashion or hottest toy. Your kids will love you anyway!



Make the holidays and everyday yours-whether it is an old or new tradition, whether it is Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or not at all. Do what makes you happy not only this time of year, but make every day of the year! It can be as easy as A - B - C. Make this a promise for 2010!




Dr. Hicks is anxious to hear about your relationships and work situations of all kinds. She may have the answer for you! Contact her at http://www.transformationservices.info/