Showing posts with label Self-Help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Help. Show all posts

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Who is Superman ?






















Waiting for Superman is the title of a popular (and by the way great) movie. The premise is that we are all waiting on superman to change our educational system. Taken more broadly, it could be said that we are also "Waiting on Superman" for a variety of social ills besides education. As in my last blog, Milwaukee continues to dominate the news with negative statistics. Our city is now fourth in poverty in the nation. Was there an outcry from the most affected-African-Americans Latino, and other people of color? Of course not. This statistic primarily reflects how families with children are suffering-in this especially post election season. The politician rhetoric from the right and the left is jobs, jobs, jobs. President Obama believes the democratic party took a "shellacking" in the midterms because he lost his connection with the electorate. I'd say that the electorate is not ready for living in the 21st century. I want to examine this from a different perspective-I wonder if as a community we became less dependent on government, in this scenario "Superman", if we would find ourselves in this same predicament.

Let me explain. There was a time in the not to distant past-African-Americans could not depend on the government-even for the most basic protections. All of the strides that the Civil Rights Movement have given us of late are not being fully utilized. Voting, and education are far less important, so consequently whether our elected officials even bother to provide us with the tools to become a functioning taxpayer is debatable. Our education system is a perfect example-does it develop marketable skills, or encourage higher education, which ultimately leads to a satisfying career? For the most part no-graduation rates in Milwaukee still hover between 60 and 70%. Yes, there are high profile success stories, but why are they high profile? They should be the norm. It should still be expected that our children further their education, settle in a career, marry and have children-in that order. Nearly 20 years after the publication of my first book, I am still preaching largely the same message-education, education, education. Better still become a lifelong learner in whatever your field. Continue to respond to innovations, and there will always be a market for your skill. I continue to improve on my credentials, so that I can compete in the health care system. Next on my horizon is increasing my EAP practice through telemedicine, and on-line training for those in the health care field.


We need to revisit the mindset of the days when no one owed us anything, and we had to get it for ourselves. A plethora of $25.00 an hour manufacturing jobs are never coming back, nor is the certainty of 'working for the government and retiring". We need to plan our futures accordingly-that means putting education first once again. As President Obama noted the best job plan is an education plan. While "Waiting for Superman" rightfully points out some of the inadequacies of many school systems-they are not totally to blame-much of the blame falls on the parents. I am still appalled at the lack of parenting skills I see on a daily basis. Because the village has largely disappeared, today's' parents have no one to emulate, model, or learn from-many of us that have "made it", are hesitant because of the responses of parents that don't know any better. No one likes to be cussed out.

I went to a "mediocre at best" Flint Public School System for all 12 years of primary education, my mother was an involved parent as any other-nothing special. If she suspected something was a miss at school, she went up there-she didn't need a PTA meeting, and in most cases the teacher was usually right. The difference was that my mother made sure I went and graduated because it was expected-nothing else was acceptable. Barbara had extraordinary expectations from my ordinary performance. No one rises to mediocricty. Was I challenged in college because of this so-so primary learning environment?Absolutely! Did I quit? Not a chance, because I had been taught that a higher education was the key to financial freedom. I just had to work a little harder. I got my PhD in Clinical Psychology, and I have never been sorry.

And you know what? It has been the best choice I could have made. I don't worry at night about whether social security will be around, because I am not dependent on the government for my living-or to take care of me. I have not suffered in this economic downturn, because I own my own business-not just seeing clients, but consulting, as well as educating the disenfranchised (who heavily depend on government) to become Substance Abuse Counselors (whom we will never have enough) to own their own practices. My goal is not to retire, and certainly hope if I plan well enough, that if illness should befall, hopefully I'll be prepared. (That topic is for the next blog-our desire to live beyond our means). That is the mindset that we need to return-less dependent on government, and more dependent on our own abilities. We can rely on ourselves more, and the government less. WE CAN provide more for the least amongst us. Perhaps we are who we have been waiting for-just maybe WE ARE SUPERMAN?!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Still Looking for Love on Valentine's Day?

I am married, I say that with conviction because I was one who never thought I could be bothered with the daily grind of maintaining a relationship. Instead, I have found that after nearly 16 years, I could not imagine being single. With the right partner, (and I mean that literally) you enjoy having one to share life's joys and pains to paraphrase a Frankie Beverly song. I married late-as some would say-35. This was key, because by then I had had completed my education (I went to school for my Ph.D, not my MRS.), owned a couple of cars and apartments, developed a credit history, been successful in a profession for a few years, travelled the world-and most important remained childless. I was a very happy and fufilled single woman. Often as African-American women, we get that order of those life events all wrong. Because we still lack self-love-we procreate with the first person that expresses even the smallest interest. We then begin setting up housekeeping-long after he (or she) has moved on. We are left to clean up for the next 18 years.

This topic has been covered by so many, it almost seems cliche to talking about this in a blog, but part of our problem is that women (especially those of color) still put little effort in putting our needs first. That means, we spend up teem hours worrying about others, rather than putting ourselves first. By doing that, we become hyper vigilant in recognizing those who can supply some of our needs, rather than our every need. No one can be responsible for making and keeping us happy. Our happiness is dependent on how much time and care we give to ourselves.

In this season of love, remember loving ourselves is the first step towards walking down that aisle!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

New Year New You?

This is the time of year when we are bombarded with and already forgotten self-improvement tips: Losing Weight/Exercise, Stop Smoking, Improve Your Finances... and so on? How many of us actually make and keep these resolutions? Just 8%! In other words 92% fail. Why do they fail? Because they are seeking life change for all of the wrong reasons.




I would encourage you not to make any resolutions because you are where you are supposed to be. In other words, if you decide that you need to lose 10 pounds, it is because that was already in your life script. While there is nothing wrong with self-improvement, we become obsessed with becoming some thing or some one else-that we won't be happy with. I'd ask that you Be in the present, and remember the work that you had to do to get to this place.


As we enter the celebratory season of Dr. Martin Luther King's Birthday, and Black History Month, we have indeed come along way. Though many of us were a witness to history, 1 year later, we have our first African-American President-Barack Obama. There will be many more firsts big and small in our lives-let's not forget to honor the journey.